Fostering Foibles
Posted: Thursday, August 06, 2009
by Jay Hopson
So, how do you handle it when two foster daughters come back from town with numerous little trinkets you know they had no money to buy? Well... here is how we handled it. Whether right or wrong,I think you will find humor in the situation.
I've had the pleasure of sharing in the raising of several foster children. At the age of 52 this was like a new world to me. My own children were mostly out of the house by the time I turned 38 so this was a real eye opener. My partner in this had been fostering since 1994, so she knew all the tricks and what to look for. We tried to share our love with children that needed help, sometimes temporary, sometimes long term. A home filled with love and secuirty is what these kids need. There is never a dull moment in a house filled with foster kids.
Two fourteen year old foster daughters we will call Annabelle and Denise begged to go to town for a few hours as Denise was soon to go home to her family. We thought it might be a good idea, so I drove them to town and dropped them off with a dollar between them to share a coke. Three hours later... my partner, Sheila picked them up, to find them sporting a hat, new sunglasses and various other treasures. The story they had concocted was a fairly good one I thought, "a friend had bought them these things... and no... of course, they hadn't stolen the items."
Well, unfortunately they hadn't reckoned on Sheila's persistence and acuity in detective work. She called the friend in question that evening, only to find he hadn't even seen the girls in town that day. Knowing the hysterics that would come from the confrontation, we chose not to inform them of our knowledge until the next morning.
Right after breakfast Sheila laid a basket on the table and informed them they needed to cough up the jewels, because we now knew the score. Aghast is too shallow a word to describe their reaction...one cried and the other denied, to the best of her ability anyway. Slowly... (like pulling teeth) we finally managed to gather up what we thought was the extent of the haul. Denise had recently pierced her own lip, totally against our desires, and the basket now included two pairs of sunglasses, 2 lip rings, a belt and the aforementioned hat. We gathered them into the van and headed for town to return the goods.
I've had the pleasure of sharing in the raising of several foster children. At the age of 52 this was like a new world to me. My own children were mostly out of the house by the time I turned 38 so this was a real eye opener. My partner in this had been fostering since 1994, so she knew all the tricks and what to look for. We tried to share our love with children that needed help, sometimes temporary, sometimes long term. A home filled with love and secuirty is what these kids need. There is never a dull moment in a house filled with foster kids.
Well, unfortunately they hadn't reckoned on Sheila's persistence and acuity in detective work. She called the friend in question that evening, only to find he hadn't even seen the girls in town that day. Knowing the hysterics that would come from the confrontation, we chose not to inform them of our knowledge until the next morning.
Right after breakfast Sheila laid a basket on the table and informed them they needed to cough up the jewels, because we now knew the score. Aghast is too shallow a word to describe their reaction...one cried and the other denied, to the best of her ability anyway. Slowly... (like pulling teeth) we finally managed to gather up what we thought was the extent of the haul. Denise had recently pierced her own lip, totally against our desires, and the basket now included two pairs of sunglasses, 2 lip rings, a belt and the aforementioned hat. We gathered them into the van and headed for town to return the goods.
As we drove, it became clear that Denise had done all the (heavy) lifting and Annabelle was only in it as far as keeping the story line going. With great reluctance, they finally revealed the name of the first store. The owner happened to be in and he treated the girls very fairly, banning them from his store for one year.... again, Annabelle wept. This first one really brought home to them the seriousness of the situation, as it was one of their favorite stores.The next store was more lenient and told them they could come back, but must have an adult with them. The last one was the dollar store where the East Indian owner just told them not to do it again, but made reference to the fact that in his country they will cut off your hand for such an offense.
Now, having emptied the basket, we drove to the Child Fostering Services to allow the girls to talk to their personal workers individually. During this time, Annabelle informed her worker that Denise was holding out on us. There was still a pair of shorts and another lip ring or two... So... back we go to the house.... where confrontation number two takes place. Upon being confronted with our new found information, Denise said, "Well, ask her about the pin." "What pin, we asked?" "Oh," says Annabelle... "I forgot about that!" You guessed it.... another trip to town, and a visit to a forth store to return yet another item from the great shop lifting, as well as another lip ring to the dollar store.... We still shake our heads wondering how they covered so much ground in three hours...
Anyway... the aftermath has been good... We feel both girls learned a hard lesson... many of the shop managers were happy to help, and grateful that there are still those who will do the right thing. Fostering has it's rewards as well as it's difficulties, and I admire those with the gumption and fortitude to do it.
Anyway... the aftermath has been good... We feel both girls learned a hard lesson... many of the shop managers were happy to help, and grateful that there are still those who will do the right thing. Fostering has it's rewards as well as it's difficulties, and I admire those with the gumption and fortitude to do it.
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)My hat's off to you, Jay. I'm 52 and don't think I could give up "empty nest" to do what you and your partner do. Loved your solution to the problem. Congrats to you both!Thank you Danny,Due to other issues I am no longer in that relationship and no longer fostering, but I will always treasure my time spent in that capacity.The reward of seeing a child nurtured and pointed in the right direction before being released into the world is awesome.
Jay! So good to hear from you again! I was thinking about you about a month ago, wondering if I should send you a personal note, instead I said a prayer for you. But I wish I would have at least said "hey".I love how the two of you handled this! Kudos to you guys for what you do every day. It's not easy, but looks like you answered a great call on this season of your life. Thank you for sharing. Hopefully many other parents will read this and do the same thing if they notice extra merchandise :-) Blessings to you! TeresaTeresa...Thank you so much for thinking of me. I am glad to be back! I hope to write more soon.
So happy to have you back, Jay! You were missed. What an incredible way to handle this. You and your partner are to be applauded and praised for the work you're doing. Work is almost to dispassionate as you are parenting and face many challenges as foster parents. I commend you both! A great lesson for them!
Welcome back! *warm smile*Thank you, Avis...It is great to be back.. I shall endeavor to stick around this time... I am really enjoying how searhwarp has grown and catching up on all my favorite authors, like you!
"Fostering has it's rewards as well as it's difficulties, and I admire those with the gumption and fortitude to do it." Well said Jay! I admire you and your partner for the way you handled things! The girls are lucky to have you in their life, even if only for a short time.Thank you, BriannaI appreciate you taking the time to read it.
hi jay,i got your comment first, then saw this article.you handled that situation wonderfully, i thought.i think all you've gone through will stay with you forever, and be absorbed into your being.sorry about the issues.i got divorced while you were gone, but it was a good thing. (i know about issues! :)my best regards,sueThank you, Sue...Ah.. the other issues.... there always seem to be some... guess it is up to us to find a way to work through them.. or not... Good Luck to you!
Very good reading. I think you handled it according to your family and what was/is good for you all as a whole. Thanks for sharing
What a great story and lesson, Jay! I can see from the incident and this photo, Denise is something else. But it's a Blessing to have people such as you and Sheila, to be there when many will not. My prayers to and for you!Thanks for sharing this with us, Jay.Thank you, RonyaeThat isn't an actual picture of Denise, and that is not her real name to protect her anonymity, but it does look a great deal like her. I appreciate your encouragement.Thanks for clearing that up for me, Jay ... whew!
Jay, you handled it better than I would! It is a good thing that you did.Thank you, Lorrie..
Jay-It sounds like you have your hands full! Thanks for taking this on and being patient in the process! Thanks for sharing this with us! I wish you all the best!Thank you, Laura...Wow... congratulations on your pop rating... I have been away a while and you have really knocked the doors off!
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