Building Trust in a Relationship
Posted: Saturday, July 12, 2008
by Jay Hopson
Relationships need trust to develop and flourish. A friendship with no trust can be compared to a plant without cultivation or water. Sooner or later it will dry up and die. And like a plant that is too far gone, trust, applied too late cannot revive a relationship that is past restoring.
Stephen Covey, author of "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," concludes that building trust is similar to building a bank account. We make deposits and withdrawals, and too many withdrawals leave us bankrupt of trust. Small kindnesses and the keeping of our word create a deposit, just as the breaking of our word initiates a withdrawal.
Many times a deposit may require some sacrifice on our part: the greater the sacrifice the greater the deposit. For instance, to take the time out of your busy schedule to help someone move or to mow a lawn for a friend may not appear to be of much benefit to yourself, but it could be building a huge deposit in your friendship. If one truly values a relationship the sacrifice is small and well worth the effort.
Small deposits include a compliment or a few words of encouragement. These can add up in a hurry especially if they are sincere, although an insincere compliment can quickly become a withdrawal if it is perceived to be artificial. To add value to another's life with just a few words; what a gift that is!
Sometimes, simply to overlook a fault can be a deposit, but there is a fine line here. If it seems to you that a true friend would point out the fault and make suggestions for improvement that might be the best course to take. Just be tactful when you do the pointing! Being sensitive to your friends view point and offering your suggestions in an encouraging manner will help.
These same principles can be used individually. Keeping promises to yourself builds your own sense of self worth. I find that if I can discipline myself to daily exercise, I not only feel and look better, but have more confidence in my daily pursuits. One hundred sit-ups and a jog not only benefit my body, but also create a deposit in my self respect.
If we take the same amount of time building trust in our relationships as many of us do building our bank accounts, we will find ourselves thriving like a well cultivated plant, plentifully watered and flourishing in fruitful and enduring friendships.
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