Relation- ships, Are They Worth the Trouble?
Posted: Thursday, July 10, 2008
by Jay Hopson
Living for half a century requires a person to experience quite a few of life's ups and downs, and one would hope to acquire at least a little understanding in that time. As my life has seen its share of struggle and heartache, I should be an expert on relationships. I shall try to illustrate here the difficult lessons I've learned about relationships.
Essentially, a church is built upon relationships, and being part of a church can be the best growth experience in ones life. Even the problems you have can be turned into life lessons. I pray that all the people that were involved have found the healing that I have. I have contacted them all and offered my forgiveness where it was necessary, as well as my apologies to those hurt by my own actions. It took me years to come to this place though.
For the first few years I felt that a relationship was similar to a beautiful landscape of tropical foliage that beckoned for discovery and exploration. But, once one entered into that setting, you found yourself entangled in thorns and thickets of gossip, back biting and conspiracy. Because of this perception, I have pretty much disentangled myself from real relationships for years. I have found, though, that such a life results in few rewards, and the cost is high.
Perhaps too, it is the perception one holds that is of the most consequence. If a relationship ends in bitterness and rancor, it takes two to make it such. If we can somehow alter those bitter endings in our minds to lessons learned, then we grow. Usually, pride is the cause of bitter endings, and pride cometh before a fall. Learning to be humble enough to allow a relationship to end without blame or reproach can save you from disillusionment, and allow room for another more productive relationship.
Some relationships are destined to end, but others can flourish with effort and dedication. It is true that "no man is an island." We need the participation or others in our lives to round out our personalities and smooth away the sharp edges of our character. Without relationship we wallow in our own reality which can be sorely abused as we tend to wear rose colored glasses when it comes to ourselves.
The minor pain caused by a friend's suggestion or criticism may be worthwhile if it leads to the development of better character and improved personality. Change is part of relationship, and change can always create pain of one kind or another. But, without change we grow stale and stagnate in life, like a pond deprived a flow of fresh water . People flowing in and out of our lives weave a fabric of beauty and character into our personality.
My life long struggle with relationships has led me to this conclusion. Humility is the necessary ingredient for a successful relationship. It takes humility to open oneself up to the evaluation of those close to us. If we close ourselves off from others, we miss a great deal of the joy and beauty that life has to offer. The benefits of relationships far outweigh the expense.
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)Hi Jay, thanks for sharing. these truths can be applied to all relationships. I sure hope there has been healing from the breakdown of the church. I wasn't quite sure of the relationship between your opening statements and the rest of the article. Unless I missed it, was it a relationship that caused the downhill spiral? Anyway, I pray your relationship with the Lord is whole and intact. Blessings, Teresa
Hi Teresa, Thank you for your comment. It was lots of relationships. Perhaps I ought to go into more detail, but the whole situation just boiled down to everyone being hurt, and I found I was unable to keep it from happening. The whole story is too long to go into here, but, a church, to me, is made up of relationships. And, yes, My relationship with the Lord is healed and being healed.HI Jay, I'm so glad healing has come. You are so right. The church is about relationships because it is the people that make the church not the building. God bless you as you keep growing and keep sharing. It is not necessary to go into details, I was just making sure I understood the connection in the article. I know many will be blessed by your encouraging words and see that healing is possible with humility, repentance and forgiveness.
Yes the root of all happiness is himbleness and humility. Weere thes enot two attributes of our Lord. Sometimes we must go throughthe fire as they say to emerge forged in Gold. Good job nice reading, thanks.
Thank you Robert, for your kind words!
hi jay,
you have a beautiful style of writing.
relationships are hard, but as you said, if you find one that you can work things out with, and you love, you have achieved happiness.thanks for sharing, and keep writing,
best regards,sue thomThank you, Sue
Yes, it took me a long time to figure out that love is a verb... not always a noun!
The hurt that one feels upon the disintegration of a relationship, whether it's with friends, loved ones, etc., can lead to years of building emotional walls around ourselves. Some relationships just aren't meant to be and once we can realize that and understand that, we are then free to move on. It can certainly be a slow process and even agonizing at times, but in the end, we are better off. Relationships are always worth the trouble, if you are able to learn something from them.Very True, Sarah
Finding the strength to continue to forge relationships despite those that don't work is the key. Some flourish, others falter, but hopefully we grow with every one of them.
Jay, a beautiful and personal account of what it takes to live victoriously. The first and most important relationship is our relationship with Jesus Christ. If that relationship is in order, we have Who it takes to workout every other relationship we are involved. At least, I feel that way. If others aren't as intimately involved in a relationship with Christ as we are, we pray for them but do not allow their stony hearts to condemn us. We're free and they have that same choice. Thank you for sharing as you have. I know it will bless others. When we are in right standing with our Lord, the Fruit of the Spirt is active in our lives. Gentleness and humility are just two that helps to make our journey filled with joy. Be blessed and welcome back to your relationship with Christ. Enjoy a lovely weekend. :)Thank you Avie,
That was well put. I agree with all you say. My relationship with the Lord needs work, but I could literally sense His Spirit helping me write this. It came from the heart, as you can probably tell. With wise counsel, I know I shall become that victorious person you speak of. Thanks for reminding me that gentleness is a fruit of the spirit also. One needs reminding of that often in today's world.Jay, thank you for your kind words. I give God all the credit. He has me on a fast with the Fruit of the Spirit as focus. So you see, I have them fresh in my heart and on my mind. Perhaps it was to bless you with "gentleness." *warm smile* You're on your way to that victorious person because you are seeking Him. Jay, He awards that effort! Yes, anyone could feel your heart in this article. Pray for me as I will for you. (Thanks for joining my fan club. I'm humbled!)
great article. What good is life if you've have no one to share it with?Very true, Roschelle, Thank you for commenting.
Hi again Jay! After you left a comment on my article, I looked at your profile, and notice this article you wrote - on my birthday. So, I read it and found it very heartfelt and touching. I certainly have felt the same things many times in my life. Thank you for sharing them, even if I am reading this a year later! Tracey :)Thank you Tracey for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed it!
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